Dissing the Lord’s Chicken is a SIN!

I typically do not write unless truly inspired by a topic, however this subject deserved a little insight. If you are remotely clued into the social realm required to observe this post, you might have found yourself stumbling across the rumblings of a so called “POPEYE’S”. There is a great chance you have seen the likes of Barstool’s “El Pres” doing a blind taste test, perhaps you have observed the twitter rumblings of celebrities and friends alike chiming in on their evaluations of this “newfound” king of chicken sandwiches; Instagram feeds are flooded with #POPEYESGATE mentions, and any reputable account covering pop culture has delivered their take on the subject at hand. To call it rumblings is a bit of an understatement, as it seems as if everyone is clucking with chicken talk.

“This is chicken talk dawg! This is chicken talk!”
– Gucci Mane

The truth of the matter is that Popeye’s has done something that they have never done before, they have actually been talked about. If anything, the mention of Popeye’s here in the south has revolved around World Star Hip Hop fight videos, and memes that do nothing to but make you wonder who the hell they are and what are they even doing in the land of the lord’s chicken?

This is the only thing quality that Popeye’s has brought to my life!

Sure, the pictures look great, but someone gets paid some good money to present the chicken in a manner that instills desire. I can’t undermine the fact that the economics of the hype have been manipulated in a fashion that leaves the unknown to be answered: IS IT REALLY THAT GOOD?! There have been plenty of aspects revolving around this whole hysteria that deserve their accolades, but the truth of the matter is it is a hoax.

This is Georgia! We are the home of Chic-Fil-A! You can take your super crispy, imitation sandwich and truck right back to the bayou and feed it to the swamp monsters you call family. I am a bit offended that you think you can come into our house and think that you are welcome here uninvited (although I am sure Truett Cathy would welcome you with open arms). I live 15 minutes away from the closest Popeye’s and I will admit that I made the drive today with some optimistic anticipation. There was one issue I encountered during the process that has led me to my current rant and observation: THERE WAS NO CHICKEN SANDWICH!

On the menu board, placed over the newly placed marquis intended to glorify this giant killer of a sandwich was a (shitty) black and white piece of paper reading “We will be back soon!”. What kind of shit is that?! I have read that stores are limited to 175 sandwiches, and while that makes the supply low, while demand remains high, it fails on the most vital point – THE ACTUAL FREAKING CHICKEN!!

YOU HAD ONE JOB POPEYE’S and you have failed. I was willing to look past the fact that your facilities are typically littered and unkempt, your employees seem to hate their jobs and express no joy, and your sporadic, random, locations outside the prospering cities, just to get a taste of the chicken you think is so incredible. In conclusion, I will proudly stand firm that the lord’s chicken remains the King. The flawless record that CFA holds will remain exactly that…FLAWLESS! Aside from the incredible customer service, speedy delivery despite tremendous lines, and the waffle fries, there will never be another home of the chicken sandwich.

denying myself of popeye’s has been “my pleasure”!

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