The Great Awakening.

It seems almost too good to be true, the recently blank canvas of creativity that is usually fluorescent with ideas and inspirations seems to have it’s first splatters of life in quite some time. The previously dormant synapses of my brain are illuminating in areas I have never visited yet somehow recognize. I am emotionally amplified in a socially distant World; a place that is simultaneously in stationary chaos. It seems as if I have taken front row seats, center stage of the orchestra, to the greatest dress rehearsal in the history of mankind; a play that is being witnessed through the looking glass of an existential microscope.

There are seldom moments that are of such great magnitude that the entire world comes to a halt, yet March 22, 2020 is exactly a moment in time that can be the exception. Our digital age of experience has many glitches, however it seems as if we have a true virus. There is a threat embedded within the fiber optics of the metaphysical mainframe, that simultaneously exists in the physical domain in an incredibly sinister fashion. For some people the world is simply the 5 senses as we were taught: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. I would be remiss to say I believe these to be the sensory arsenal in their entirety without including empathy. There is a frequency that we as embodied containers of energy emit, and whether I like it or not I have an antenna tapped into that station. Off in the distance there echoes a distress call. The world is crying for help.

“E PLURIBUS UNUM: OUT OF MANY, ONE

There is a revolution happening while the world sleeps.We the people are hosting an infection methodically spreading with voracious intent through the entire World. There are no bombs being dropped, but it could not be more clear that we are at war. The enemy has no face, consumes no space, it simply exists with omnipresent invisibility.

Is it possible that by creating the idea of an “invisible enemy” that discriminates against no nation, race, religion, or sex is exactly what the world needed? By collectively removing the targets off our fellow brothers and sisters and taking aim at a greater, common enemy we have the shared interest to unite or collectively perish.

It is possible that a group of intelligent, military strategists and scientists have formulated this common enemy, There also remains the possibility that the universe herself is in a metamorphosis, leapfrogging the galaxy, searching for the next frequency that reads clearly. The sheer history we are writing now is uncharted, to me, but well mapped to generations past. Life is encountering monumental shifts in ideology and perception that only physics can quantify.

Regardless of ones perception as fact, the world is awestruck, as if our conscious has just reached the summit of a new mountain and the vastness of the terrain below us is incapable of being described with mere dialect. This place is the otherworldly sensation of chills personified. This experience is happening right before our eyes, but not all can see this new world before us. There are some who do not have the strength to make this voyage, there are those who make the trek and fail to recognize the significance, and there are those that consume each cosmic footprint we leave across the stars as we travel into the future. I like to believe I am am in the latter group.

I can not help but feel as if I am traveling through time by accepting the madness surrounding me as a critical ingredient in the plan. The core of my soul is suspended, weightless, completely reliant on the laws of nature to handle me with care, as the picture unfolds before my eyes. The revolution has not been televised.

There are so many layers within this current experience of life that I am neglecting sleep tonight in order to unpack it all, and hopefully quiet my mind. At the very least it must be materialized while the subject is fresh. It is as if I have just woke up from a dream, attempting to articulate the lucidity of my slumber…only to find myself questioning if in fact I was ever asleep or is the dream only beginning? I am in the matrix, on the 3rd layer of inception, listening through the opposing wall of this galaxy, while looking through the crawlspace of my mind for answers.

The story is unfolding before my very eyes, I am merely a passenger on this cosmic shuttle taking my personal account as we wait to land. This is the great awakening.

In a room full of answers

The library is an amazing place where nearly every question can be answered. The smell of paperback novels, memoirs, historical accounts, and fictitious tales of mystical adventures fill the air. The echoes of faint whispers barely fade out behind the lofty carol of the bells playing down the hall. There is hardly a sign of life, yet in some fashion, every life ever lived is represented with an ISBN. The library is a sanctuary where there are no membership fees, no charge to get in; the only requirement is a thirst for knowledge and a hunger for information. The wifi is free, the seats are comfortable, the heat is on, and the possibilities are endless. It is in the confines of this building that I find myself today looking for clarity.

My mind is hungry, my spirit unsettled, and my direction remains uncertain. There is so much in this world that I desire, but at the core of it all I find myself bumping into the metaphorical wall of questions. What is it that I truly desire in life? Is my quest to discover my calling in life ever going to turn up answers? Is it possible to work a job that I have no desire for while pursuing a life I truly want? These are the questions I find myself asking today (and most days). Why I came to a library to find these answers, I am not quite sure.

I wish I could just turn my thoughts off sometimes. The overclocked PC of a brain I have leads me to a repetitive cycle of frustration fueled by passion. I want to be great at whatever I do, but whatever I do must have a great purpose. The allure of money is not something that gets my heart racing and spurs me to action. Helping someone get through a tough time is something I get excited about. I would rather live a simple life and change lives than make a million dollars. This is where the frustration sets in: the treasures I seek come in the form of riches that have no monetary value. One can not simply pay the bills by making karma deposits and that sucks! Money has never brought me true happiness (not that I have ever had an abundance of it to know). There is great irony in the fact that I recently made the most commission I have ever made at my job, yet feel so disconnected from my purpose.

When I get totally honest with myself, I don’t care about selling you a product. I don’t care if the potential to be a millionaire exists. I find little concern with the tax brackets above me and the amount of commas on your check. I believe in living life with purpose and living on purpose. This is quite the conundrum I find myself in however. Life isn’t fair. Money is a necessity. Being a good person doesn’t pay the bills, and having good intentions doesn’t mean the road to finding the answers is any easier, yet here I am lost in a room full of answers.

Chasing a dream

So many of us were asked as kids what it was we desired to be when we became grown. Like many of you, I had lofty expectations and dreams, which at the time seemed easily attainable. I am not sure if the line where one becomes grown is a bit unclear, or perhaps my ambitions (while courageous) were beyond my reach; the reality that unfolded did not look like the dreams I had as a child.

I had dreams of being a baseball star with the glove and swagger of “the kid” Ken Griffey Jr. My free time as a young boy was voraciously consumed with the crimson stitched, white rawhide sphere, sunflower seeds, and backwards New Era fitted hat, the starter kit for the cul de sac diamond. My intro into business economics was berthed over Upper Deck and Topps rarities and a Beckett price guide. To say that I dreamed of becoming a baseball player would be a lie, I was already one who just wasn’t famous yet.

Life doesn’t have a set course, nothing makes complete sense, and yet somehow we are supposed to navigate it fearlessly, head up, and accepting of the challenges we encounter. I am not sure if I am defective or not, but that just isn’t easy. To be clear, I know I am not defective, in fact I find that I am rather driven and battle tested in ways that give me some hope in tough times. However, the journey remains a worthy opponent; strategically providing opposition to mold us to be a better version of ourselves.

One day at a time I am given the chance to make myself a better version of the man I was yesterday. Outside of this, I have absolutely ZERO control or influence. It is my responsibility to give a compliment where I can, lend a listening ear to a troubled friend or loved one, call that someone to remind them that I miss them, stand up for myself when I am disrespected, and at all costs love myself. Outside of the current moment lies the future or past, each of which is but a dream.

Despite the fact that I have not signed a MLB contract, I still have to grow. Despite my dreams not materializing, I still have a desire to push on and become the man I am destined to be. Anything lost can be found again except time wasted. Vision without action is merely a dream, and I’m not interested in wasting time or dreaming my life away. Today is a new day!